Some links to stuff and folks we like:
Amoeba Kinevel
Artists Image Resource
Buffalo Nickel
Wendy Bugatti
Developer
Emayhem
Fake Brain
Gaddis
Hi-Frequencies
Hope Harveys
Mosquitos
Pascal
Bill Peduto
The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players
Visqueen
Mofones Index Mama Spell Index

Songs and Lyrics. (* denote songs on our CD)
A Li'l Lather
Brush And Broom
Cat Butler
Daisies
Drawing
The Day I Stopped Caring
Failed Attempts at a New Testament*
Hysterical Drunk*
(I Just Wanna) Sleep With You
I'm Dirty
John and Virginia
Nervous Song
Out of the Circumference
Owed to Me
Posthumous Stardom*
Pretender
Pretty D Thing
Shade
Someone's In Here
Strategy Maneuver
Theme from Dean*
Thermos Full of Hemlock
Ultimate Treason
Vitubula
Will It Float?

Our EP, Mofones! is available for sale online with a free Mofones sticker!

A LI'L LATHER

Combing through the back yard
The truth is out there
Looking for an eyeball
I think I saw it somewhere
Gonna miss my tea time
A lot of hooey poetry
I owe it to my rival
I really love that pattern!

Hide, Duck, Cover, Liver
A li'l lather will get that out!

And you won't see a seam!
I'm still looking for that eyeball
I ripped out all the stitches
You know what rhymes with stitches
Nothing but disdain
Dwayne the bathtub I'm dwowning
To all you little snitches
You know what rhymes with snitches!

Hide, Duck, Cover, Liver
A li'l lather will get that out!!



BRUSH AND BROOM

It's easier to be silent
After the storm has passed
It's easier to crouch down
Among the broken glass
Squishing between her toes
Another bloody mess.
She'll walk this one off
I guess.

Work this out
In another room
Keep on moving
Brush and Broom

Forty years of sewing seeds
Not a wasted life
Some may say different
When they ask his wife
You don't have to tell me
Who wears the pants
She'll clean him out yet
Give her one more chance

Work this out
In another room
Keep on moving
Brush and Broom

She broke his heart
Running away like that
Taking care of business
And hiding the doormat
Maybe she blossomed
Maybe she bloomed
But her feet are still sore
Disjointed since June.

Work this out
In another room
Keep on moving
Brush and Broom

There once was a time
When you'd be forced to crawl
But now I'll be there to
Lean you against the wall

No one else calls me
Nothing else in my brain
You might end up in the gutter
But you'll never go down the drain.



CAT BUTLER

Inside!
Inside!
Inside!
Outside!
Outside!
Outside!
(x3)
CAT BUTLER! (x4)
Inside!
Outside!
(many times)
CAT BUTLER! (x4)



DAISIES

If those red daisies he gave me were meant to set my heart aflutter
And if he expected me to plant them in my wrists for exposition
And supposed on a day when those daisies blacken
That I would hold them high over my head and cry out as they fell from my arms.
Well I think he should have asked those daisies what they thought about that first.

FAILED ATTEMPTS AT A NEW TESTAMENT

And then I woke up to a renaissance
And a flurry of activity
Started looking for some ideas
To see if my proclivity to create still exists.

All around me words are flying
From the mouths of someone else
I made a mental note to work this
But I left it on the shelf
Where it sits still covered in dust.

It's yours
No really, you can have it
We don't need to share
'Cause I can't appreciate a gift
I'd rather someone else did.

Banged my head against the paper
To see if anything'd come out
Every time I made an imprint
I was always filled with doubt.
Did it mean what I thought.

You can make it seem so easy
Like you never even try
Clue me in on your process
I will give you some of my
Failed attempts at a new testament.

Never wanted to be highbrow
Only wanted to be real
Always hate the need to borrow
Now I really want to steal
Your perspectives and distortions.

Do you mind I wanna sleep here
In the blankets of your bed
When you fall asleep I'll crawl in
Through your ear into your head
Look around, see what's there.

HYSTERICAL DRUNK

Lisa Welchel is a born-again Christian
She cooks her supper in a born-again kitchen
A different spin on the Blair Witch Project
But hey, people change, what do you expect?

I'm an hysterical drunk (X2)

Tina Yothers once starred in Family Ties
I know you are but what am I?
Some get their kicks on Route 66
But just had me my vodka and Bloody Mary mix.

Your wife sure looks like a lot of fun
Start the motor then pull the plug
Go on, have another, it's not going to hurt you or your
Double chin! Oh, I mean cin-cin.

Your wife looks just like Tina Yothers
Where are you going?
Where's my shirt?
Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?

(I JUST WANNA) SLEEP WITH YOU

V1.
You're the bomb that took my brain
Took my sense of good from pain
Now I can't tell which from which
Cringing over every inch

CHORUS
I don't want to think this through
Just wanna act, just wanna do
I don't want to think this through
I just wanna sleep with you
I just wanna sleep with you

V2.
It's too hard to stay in line
With this clouding up my mind
Wanna touch you top to toe
Make it fast, don't say no

V3.
Can't be cautious can't be late
'Cause I would not call this a date
Just one thing is in my head
That's the purpose of this thread

(Spoken) Six long months he's been in my head
First thing in the morning 'til at night when I fall into bed
I've got to assess the facts at hand
and lay waste to these daydreams that I have planned
Still the waters, Still the waters
Still the waters run wild.



I'M DIRTY

CHORUS
I'm dirty
you may not know it from my looks
I'm dirty
you may find all my little nooks
I'm dirty
you may need to turn away
I'm dirty
you may come again some day

V1.
Light a candle, burn a wick
Melt it down to a tiny little stick
Blow some wind in the air
Get it going up from here to here to there

CHORUS

V2.
Eat some pudding from a pot
Miss your mouth now that really hits the spot
Spread it up, spread it wide
Say my name and touch me on the inside.

CHORUS

BRIDGE
you know the one
keeping you from sleeping
you know the one
peeping at your sweet thing
you know the one
knowing that it's showing
you know the one...

AAAAHHHHHHI'm dirty...

JOHN AND VIRGINIA
(AKA "The Song We NEVER Sing")

For her he slept on flowers
and wore slacks that matched her skirts
and when he had to go
he went into a fluffy pot.

His words were "Whatever you want."
And hers, "Right now?"

For him she wore shag carpet
with her mule soles
And when she had to go
She couldn't because he was listening

His words were "Whatever you want."
And hers, "Right now?"

And at night
The two dreamed
In silence to sleep.



NERVOUS SONG (GETTING BY)

I can see you in the shadows waiting for my fall
I can tell you're laughing at me because I am so small
This is no surprise to me, I've known it all along
Or maybe I'm just paranoid

I worry about everything - then I worry a little more
So much I pace right through the floor

What if a train derails when I am on board?
What if my car breaks down, needs repairs I can't afford?
What if I get laid off and never find a job?
What if I have to live in a box?

I worry about everything - then I worry a little more
So much I pace right through the floor

I'm sick of fretting over what each new day brings
I want to free myself from the fears to which I cling
So many irrationalities cloud up my view
Do you worry, too?

I could get by, but I doubt myself, and I feel uncertain
I could get by, and I often do, so why worry

I'm starting a new chapter in the book I write
I'm starting Part II of my Life
Transition's awkward, but the end will save the day
I'm learning how to be okay

I will get by, and I always do, no matter what comes
I will get by, just like everyone, who lives a life



OWED TO ME

I understand why you do what you do
I've been there before, I know where you are.

And I can't say if
I were where you are right now
That I wouldn't be the same
Way that you are being now

But as of now, I am here
and not there
So would you please just shut up?

(x2)

Alone is the best thing I find
Alone is the best state of mind
Alone is the best to be kind
Alone is the best tie that binds
Why can't I just be alone?

POSTHUMOUS STARDOM

He hadn't been dead for more than a week
When his ghost came back to visit her,
"Don't be scared, it wasn't a dream.

"I'm still dead, but I can't sleep
and I really hate to inconvenience you
But I won't rest 'til my last recordings see
the light of day.
I worked so hard, they must be heard
So my final request to you my dear,
Please release those songs!"

Posthumous Stardom
No fame in your lifetime no matter
how you try
Posthumous Stardom
You won't find success, until you die!

"We don't have the dough," she said,
" to press five hundred CDs now.
Your life insurance barely covered your
casket,
And your medical bills
It's gonna take some time to scrape it up
Could be months, or maybe a year."
"I can wait, I've got no place to go."
"Stay with me she cried I can't make it
alone."
As she reached out for his pale blue hand.
"My spirit will keep you company until the
release date."

She thought, “The longer I wait
The longer I can keep you around.
I'm gonna take my time
So I can feel your gentle caress."
He said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you,
Don't forget that I'm a ghost
If you don't fulfill my wish
I can make your life a mess."



PRETENDER
(lyrics, music by b.jakub, (C)2001 b.jakub)

In my rock and roll boots and my strap-on attitude
I strut across the stage and I play loud and rude
And I pretend it doesn't matter that you never wrote me back
Did I come on too strong, did I come on too fierce
Do you think this because you're wrapped up in your fear
Too loud and too proud, but baby, you're so beautiful

I'm not brave, I'm just bravado
In the present tense
Here today and gone tomorrow
Nothing in my defense

I pretend I can handle this
I pretend that I'm alright
I pretend this will not shake me
And tomorrow I will be fine

So I primp and I preen and I lie through my teeth
Just to put on a show and give truth to beliefs
That I stole from a girl who never knew she had them
If you stop, if you smile, if you stay a short while
Longer than you should, I'll forget my denial
Make me start to wonder if I'm really all alone here

Dancing with the thing we fear most
Is a chance we want to take
Never thought we would get this close
Is this a big mistake

I pretend I can handle this
I pretend that I'm alright
I pretend this will not shake me
And tomorrow I will be fine

I'm sorry I made you nervous
You're sorry you made me blush
We both know the truth is...we're really not sorry enough

In my rock and roll boots and my strap-on attitude
I strut across the stage and I play loud and rude
And I pretend it doesn't matter that you never come to a show
It's not you, it's all me, but it doesn't matter now
I just want to forget about all this somehow
If my wishes came true, you know I'd be running scared

Braver than just bravado
Is what I want to be
I want to be here tomorrow
Yeah I want to be...

I pretend I can handle this
I pretend that I'm alright
I pretend this will not shake me
And tomorrow I will be fine
I pretend I can handle this
I pretend that I'm alright
I pretend this will not shake me
And tomorrow I will be fine



PRETTY D THING
What is going on inside
This head of mine?
I'd figure it out on my own
If I could find the time
I'll drink a martini
Even when I'm sick
Untangle me from myself
Untie me quick.

Chorus: Pretty D Thing, Pretty D Thing
It doesn't run
Pretty D Thing, Pretty D Thing
It's no fun.

Everyone likes me
It's no secret it's true.
You like beautiful
And I like you.
I'm ready for anything
Just make a start
Everything was set to go
But then I forgot

Chorus

I only win at solitaire
I guess I'll deal
Don't bother to stop and stare
Just come back here
In an atmosphere of
All the above
Do you ever get crushes
Or do you just fall in love?

Chorus



SHADE

I saw a tree
A small shade tree
What a relief
It's too hot for words
There was no breeze
There was no witness
A crash with no sound
A mighty Mama mound

The shade that gives you comfort
Will collapse on you one day. X2

Take in a phone
Alone in my room
And shower it down
With too many words
Just come back here
High tail in gear
It turns out I'm broke
And I can't get there

The shade that gives you comfort
will collapse on you one day. X2

I drove my car
In the east bound lane
Heat fried brain
Say the wrong name
Earthquake, overpass
Lego villiage coming down
I get off at this ramp.

The shade that gives you comfort
Will collapse on you one day. X2

SOMEONE'S IN HERE

I was there first
couldn't wait another moment
'Til something went wrong
with a turning doorknob
"I didn't know," and "Oh I'm so sorry."
Bodies turned away so pissed and so bloated

Someone's in here
Someone's in here
Someone's in here

First thing in the morning
dark and frail and purple
with other pressing matters
and parting's such sweet sorrow
In earlier times
with arms as strong as legs
wiping stuff off my skirt
and skirt off my stuff

With arms as strong as legs
I flew for a moment
'Til I tripped over your cane
I should have known, Missy.
I never sing anything that I want to hear
But I do it anyway knowing some of you don't care



THEME FROM DEAN

Look at her smiling eyes!
We're on an all-time high!
If you ask us why, we'll just sigh (*ahhhhhh*).
We've got a secret, see,
A new friend for you and me,
To know what her name might be
Just wait and see!

Look at the Dean with us
Atop a Minibus.
Come see what all the fuss
'S about.

Dean is our favorite scene
for she is not mean
And's hygienically clean
The freshmen she will help wean
and the seniors will soon be free

We can't go wrong with her
P.C. and wears no fur
For happiness to occur, no need to stir!
For we've got a secret, see,
A new friend for you and me!
To know what her name might be
Just wait and see!

So, look at the Dean with us
Atop a Minibus.
Come see what all the fuss
'S about.

Just wait it out
Twist and shout
She doesn't need a dick
'Cause she a brick...
DEAN!



THERMOS FULL OF HEMLOCK

The train sped toward me as I drove across the track
One wheel stuck in the trestle and I can't turn back
If we make contact this'll be one hell of a trip
I've got a thermos full of hemlock, help yourself to a sip

The phone's off the hook, I don't want them to call
Any distraction might force me to stall
Been in so long, looking thin as a twig
I've got a thermos full of hemlock, help yourself to a swig

Release me from the beast that is tomorrow
I'll give back every bulb I had to borrow

I've got 43 cents in my pocket and a pen with no ink
A telephone number I'm to call when I forget how to think
A memory of a dream where I loved you, I'm not proud
I've got a thermos full of hemlock, gonna gargle it good and loud

In the back of the refridgerator, its home since late last year
Has it lost its potency, something that I fear
Might be better if I went outdoors and drank a cup of rain
I've got a thermos full of hemlock, I think I'll pour it down the drain.

Lying in the arms of someone who
Knows what it's like split in two